John Ibson and Steve Harrison were dressed casually in sport coats standing in front of the fireplace that served as an altar within the upper-middle class home in North Vancouver, Canada. The only witnesses were the wedding commissioner, her husband and their son, making this an intimate civil ceremony that, while routine in Canada, is a luxury not afforded to them in their home country.
Ibson, 66, is a professor of American studies at Cal State Fullerton and has been teaching for 38 years. This summer Ibson wed Harrison, his partner of 32 years, while on vacation in Vancouver.
“We enjoyed the lawlessness that came with not getting married,” Ibson said. “We didn’t need government approval to enjoy our lives together.”
Marriage was not something that Ibson thought he needed in life. His relationship with Harrison was well built and made strong by the love and respect they had for one another. There were times when Ibson and Harrison mulled over the idea of getting married, especially during the short window that California allowed same-sex marriage but nothing ever came into fruition.
For this year’s summer vacation, Ibson and Harrison decided to tour the Canadian Rockies. While planning their trip, Harrison brought up the idea of getting married simply because marriage was legal in Canada. It took Ibson a few moments of hesitation before answering ‘yes.’ Before they knew it, they were simultaneously planning their vacation and wedding, making sure to secure a wedding commissioner by booking their services via the internet and researching where to get their marriage license.
“I wasn’t prepared with how much (getting married) would mean to me… it was so refreshing and we were as happy as 19-year-olds,” Ibson said.
Soon after their ceremony, Ibson felt that his relationship with Harrison had begun anew. It was inconceivable to both of them that their relationship would heighten to a new level and getting married was an experience that allowed Ibson and Harrison to rediscover one another.
“Since the wedding, there has been a surprisingly settled feeling that even the previous 32 years hadn’t brought,” said Harrison.
Their Canadian wedding was executed smoothly, which surprised Ibson. He and Harrison enjoyed their honeymoon without being heckled or even judged. They were, in fact, congratulated by many strangers and their hotel even sent congratulatory gift baskets.
“There was a certain effortless quality of it all… getting married in Canada wasn’t complicated, it felt like Canada was easier about things,” Ibson said.
The ease in which he got married and the happiness he felt right after made Ibson feel that every same-sex couple should be able to experience what he did. Ibson said marriage is in the process of a redefinition, heading towards a situation in which people of the same sex and opposite sex will be allowed to marry.
His rationale is that since marriage is changing, there are people who feel uncomfortable with the transition.
“The issue of gay marriage isn’t about protecting marriage; allowing gays to marry would strengthen the institution that is in plenty of trouble and could use some support.,” Ibson said.
As an American studies scholar, Ibson looks at this issue through a historical lens so as to not base his argument on his own personal feelings. He sees history as a liberating subject because it teaches society that things can be different; he cited examples of slavery and women’s suffrage as ways history presents change and progress. He says that marriage can and will change, that the simple lack of historical precedence should never be an argument against some proposed change as it happens however some scholars believe there is some precedence for same-sex marriage.
And of course same-sex marriages are now occurring in several states, the District of Columbia and now throughout Canada.
His wedding experience and views on the debate over gay marriage prompted him to write an editorial for the Los Angeles Times entitled “The Honeymooners.” His article was printed in the Sunday edition of the Times on Aug. 8th.
“It’s really hard to find solid, sophisticated debate opposing gay marriage. The best (the opposition) can come up with is that marriage is based solely on reproduction… some heterosexual couples don’t get married for that… My response is ‘Come on, you could to better than that’,” Ibson said.
In his Times article, Ibson brought up how American culture in the last century and a half had tended to confuse sexual identity and gender identity. So that when people are struggling with gender roles they will sometimes use gay men and lesbians as scapegoats.
Soon after the opinion editorial was printed in the Times, Ibson received dozens of e-mails, letters and phone messages. Some were sent by former students, others by complete strangers. Many of them were heartening and encouraging, but one particular phone message was saved on Ibson’s answering machine. An elderly individual left a message saying that he was impressed with what Ibson had written and had experienced a lot of diversity in his own family in regards to marriage. The elderly man was so struck by the op-ed piece Ibson wrote that he had bought extra copies of the Times to his family members.
“Gestures like those are what make me believe everything is going to turn out alright eventually and not without a lot of struggle,” Ibson said.
Originally published in the Daily Titan on September 16, 2010.
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